Sunday, January 01, 2006

back to my life

Is it January? -squint-

In just a few days I will be off hiatus and back to my sometime life as a purveyor of wisdom and dispenser of knowledge. Or at least I will be back to work and teaching. My other life.

It's been an oversized three weeks home with my babies in almost every sense-- most of which are distorted by the time warp that happens with low sleep.

It's strange, but just as I am beginning to be functional on this new regimen I must go back to the old.

I feel a little bit like that guy marooned in the Cast Away movie. with the volleyball.

How will I adjust when I go back? How to graciously commune with co-workers about the mundanities of their lives while my inner voice murmurs, "you have no idea where I've been and you never will."

I suppose I will smile and shrug helplessly a lot.

How will I handle my performance review two days back to work? I can't say, "Right now, I could honestly care less about my goals. I'm just trying to get my shirt on right-side out and I really don't care if my eval forms say, "Covered material well, but smelt of sour breastmilk."

I suppose I will smile and shrug helplessly a lot.

How can I capture the clarity of my purpose and hold onto that certainty just a little longer? I am holding my dozing baby and there is no doubt. Soon I will be jousting with distractions and vexations and everything will get more confusing.

New Year's wants a fistfull of resolutions, but what I really want is resolve. How does one resolve to be more resolved?


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